i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
