Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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