she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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