HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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