Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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