Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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