Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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