Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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