I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
