Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The air was thick with penises
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
