dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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