I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
