glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
