yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
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It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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