Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize