Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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