this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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