are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
