Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bring money and cleavage
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
