like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
