I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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