Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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