Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
