Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
