Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
