dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
