I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize