Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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