A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
