I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize