that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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