whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
