Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
