I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
