If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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