i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I got her a Nickelback box set.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
