If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
