just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You can't motorboat a personality
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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