U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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