Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
