shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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