You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
