We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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