some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
