theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
