I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
