??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
