my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
