I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
