I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
