i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
