sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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