so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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