I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
