If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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