OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
