am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
