where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
