the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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