Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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