i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
