took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
