everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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