i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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