apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
