i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
