Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
someone threw a dead crab at me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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