remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
