I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
