Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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