Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
