You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I AM VODKA MAN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
