whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
